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[
Jan 19, 2009 - 10:31 pm] |
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When I was young my mother had fire in her belly. She grew a mane of auburn silk and claws that looked like fingernails on her delicate paws. She fit my sister and I in an armor of red wool,
ribbed with velvet and we would wash communion glasses
in the basement of a big brick building
where we gathered in calico
and lace
to sit on long wooden thrones. Then we’d go
to stark hotels
where we would visit those who used to go to the big brick building,
but couldn’t anymore. And in a camouflage of floral and white
we would sing
and talk
and listen while we ate stale candies of butterscotch and sipped on orange juice
with too much pulp. When we returned home my mother shook out her mane
with a roar and we would dance and laugh
and play
and shake, rattle, and roll. And now my mother is the reason I can stand here and breathe without gasping for air. My mother was born out of a river of wine And she floated here dappled by the sun and the dew.
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| Should Have Felt |
[
Dec 9, 2008 - 11:34 pm] |
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mood |
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 reflective |
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music |
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Silence. |
] |
I found this piece of prose on my computer and I decided that I rather like it, although I know they're my words, I don't remember writing it. So strange. I suppose it is a short story of sorts.
It was not the Should Have Been that plagued her but instead Should Have Felt and Should Have Known. It was the Should Have Guilt and Should Have Reason. It was that fact that she felt only goodness in everything she did because she did just what she wanted to do. That was wrong in a book and on a page and right in the moment in that room. That was stolen red wine in champagne glasses to loosen the binds. That was old music posters and the circulator that took less time than it usually seemed. That made French Philosophy more important to the bus fare than the ride. That made push and pull and twist, turn, hold and scream and breathe. It was the Should Have Thought and Should Have Existed that made her blind twelve times. Once for every explosion of the car bombs that some Rock and Roller planted before he realized what else he was detonating.
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| Off to DePaul |
[
Jul 25, 2008 - 12:38 pm] |
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mood |
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thoughtful |
] |
So I decided I should probably start updating my livejournal again, seeing as I have not done so for about 489523 years, and as I will be leaving for college in about a month. I'm a little nervous about the whole Chicago to Cleveland distance relationship thing. I'm worried that neither of us are responsible enough for it. It's difficult enough to get in touch with Phil when we're in the same town. How will I ever be able to talk to him from college? I hope he and Kylie really do come up to see me for my birthday in September. I mean, I'll be turning 18, I don't know what I'll do if I'm alone. I'm unsure about my roommate. She doesn't seem as enthused as I am to get to know her. Oh, well. I guess we'll have to no matter what.
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| Senior Speech |
[
Apr 14, 2008 - 10:04 pm] |
At Laurel School there is a graduation requirement called the Senior Speech. Every senior is required during the year to the deliever a speech to the entire upper school (grades 9-12). My senior speech was earlier today. I believe it is the best piece I have ever written. Here is the text of my speech.
Sex… Well, there it is, I said it. I’m not sure what I was expecting; Shock and horror? Surprise? Awkwardly suppressed giggles? Maybe not. Perhaps I expected to be quickly whisked off the stage and taken into a windowless back room. What is it about this simple concept that makes everyone so uneasy?
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| Voice |
[
Oct 1, 2007 - 9:52 am] |
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mood |
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 ecstatic |
] |
This was posted on PostSecret on Sunday.
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| All you need is love |
[
Sep 29, 2007 - 10:47 am] |
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Reply to this post, and I will list three things I love about you. Maybe more than three. Then repost to your own journal and spread the love.
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[
Sep 28, 2007 - 10:26 am] |
This morning there was a perfect moon. It was bright silver and I could make out each individual moonbeam. "La lune, la reine du bal, par danse avec les etoiles". It somehow reminded me of The Walrus and the Carpenter poem from Through the Looking Glass when the sun comes out at night time.
The sun was shining on the sea,
Shining with all his might:
He did his very best to make
The billows smooth and bright--
And this was odd, because it was
The middle of the night.
The moon was shining sulkily,
Because she thought the sun
Had got no business to be there
After the day was done--
"It's very rude of him," she said,
"To come and spoil the fun!"
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| College |
[
Sep 25, 2007 - 10:04 am] |
The stress in our class is abundant, thickening the air. The halls are filled with red eyed seniors, though I know not who is affected by crying and who has merely been lacking sleep.
I'm afraid, we all are. This is it, now or never right? It's just that we know how much of our future depends on an essay, a test score, a GPA... it's terrifying.
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| Gabriel Garcia Marquez |
[
Sep 24, 2007 - 11:32 pm] |
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I just finnished 'Memories of my Melancholy Whores' by Gabriel Garcia Marquez. It's a spanish novel about love, age, regret, and identity. Marquez's beautiful imagery brought me to the verge of tears more than once. I highly recommend you read it. I'll say no more on the subject, this work should be a surprise.
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| A Bit of News |
[
Sep 21, 2007 - 10:40 am] |
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mood |
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 cheerful |
] |
What a tremendous week. My father was in a bit of a huff last night because he thought I had snuck out of the house. I seems mother didn't tell him where I had gone before she went to bed. Honestly, he always assumes I'm trying to be the utmost intrepid person I can be. It really does perturb me. No matter, I'm not in trouble in the slightest.
Anyways, it's been a very long time, but now most of you are off at college so I thought I'd give you an update.
Urban is married. It seems very strange to me now. It feels as though I've grown up rather suddenly. It's as though we were playing with cowboy and indian Legos together just yesterday and today he is married, with a military career well underway. At least Clarence isn't anywhere near such a huge step, I can't imagine him ever growing up. I do hope he never does, or at least not too much.
Oh, and some more good news, I have been cast as The Queen of Heart in Alice's Adventures in Wonderland. It's the role I wanted and a good a part as any. The show is such a collaborative piece; Alice is the only character who carries throughout. I think it's going to be splendid, and I'm excited to have a lot of fun with this character. Deven and Griffin will be hilarious at The Mad Hatter and March Hare, I'm sure.
Also, if you had to choose from these Jane Austen novels would you pick Mr. Darcy from Pride and Prejudice OR Mr. Knightly from Emma?
I think the answer is obvious, but I've actually heard a myriad of responses. My english class had a very heated debate on the subject yesterday and I thought I'd bring it to the public. Literature is such fun.
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| Use Blackle.com |
[
Sep 19, 2007 - 10:59 am] |
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mood |
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 giddy |
] |
How is Blackle saving energy?Blackle was created by Heap Media to remind us all of the need to take small steps in our everyday lives to save energy. Blackle searches are powered by Google Custom Search. Blackle saves energy because the screen is predominantly black. "Image displayed is primarily a function of the user's color settings and desktop graphics, as well as the color and size of open application windows; a given monitor requires more power to display a white (or light) screen than a black (or dark) screen." Roberson et al, 2002 In January 2007 a blog post titled Black Google Would Save 750 Megawatt-hours a Year proposed the theory that a black version of the Google search engine would save a fair bit of energy due to the popularity of the search engine. Since then there has been skepticism about the significance of the energy savings that can be achieved and the cost in terms of readability of black web pages. We believe that there is value in the concept because even if the energy savings are small, they all add up. Secondly we feel that seeing Blackle every time we load our web browser reminds us that we need to keep taking small steps to save energy.
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[
Sep 11, 2007 - 10:03 pm] |
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Geez, I'm so giddy and lame.
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| Empowerment? |
[
Aug 23, 2007 - 12:19 pm] |
| [ |
music |
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Jean Paul Sartre by The Crabs |
] |
Yesterday I spent a long time on the phone with a friend explaining which books she should read to impress some boy. Then with a happily coupled friend, discussed the "woes" of her seemless relationship. Then passed the hours watching Superbad, fooling around, and drinking coffee with a few guy friends.
I think I have officially conquered the "I Need a Man" thoughts that were flaring inside of me, no doubt a fire that was fed by the likewise feelings of many of my comrades. Perhaps seeing their quickly sought after and failed relationships have given me something of a wake up call. Perhaps it is the jazz I've listened to lately, in which women are taking charge of their own lives, to the tune of much dissension on some man's part. Perhaps it is the steps I have taken to approve of myself which have led me to believe I no longer need someone else to validate my existance. Most likely of all, I believe I have somehow realised my own worth and therefore have deemed all ingenuine relations fickle and pointless. Perhaps I am merely over the heartbreak. Regardless, I am a one fat, happy woman.
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[
Aug 2, 2007 - 1:05 pm] |
Duke of Bury (11:21:01 PM): you need more gumption kid
Duke of Bury (11:21:06 PM): you'll never make it in this crazy world
Duke of Bury (11:22:37 PM): *opens half empty bottle of scotch and pours 2 fingers*
Duke of Bury (11:25:35 PM): *and though he hung up his trenchcoat already he doesn't take off his hat even though it's indoors*
Duke of Bury (11:27:34 PM): *dramatic cinematography of light coming in through blinds and a single fan silently circling overhead*
Just Think Clara (11:29:27 PM): *She carelessly balences her cigerette between two fingers and sips at the scotch, staining the glass rim with the deep red of her lips*
Just Think Clara (11:30:54 PM): *with a smile and a flick of her cigerette,she is able to convince the detective otherwise. There is a way for her to make it in this crazy world.*
Duke of Bury (11:37:30 PM): *So that was the dame's angle. That's always their angle. Cliche as it was, she was still somehow the only new thing to stroll into his office in a long time. The dust on the desk was an inch thick. The half empty bottle of scotch back in it's place next to the sofa. Just like the night before. The dust was half and inch thick. The full bottle of scotch at it's place next to the sofa.*
Just Think Clara (11:42:45 PM): *It was something about his way of life, the way he insisted on living in this noir fantasy of his that made her laugh. Hers wasn't filled with the emptiness which he had grown accustomed to hearing. It was a rich tone that started in the pit of her stomach and bubbled until it errupted from her lips. And when she laughed her entire body moved with it, like all of her being felt the joy.*
Just Think Clara (11:43:05 PM): *He thought she was typical. They were both in for a surprise.*
Duke of Bury (11:51:54 PM): *The warm mezzo of her laughter danced across the room. The notes like gusts of wind, blasting away the dull grey air of his world. It was like Spring melting away the final reminents of and endless Winter. "I'll take your case, Red." Those words would change his life. But to what end, he had no way of knowing*
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| Emote |
[
May 13, 2007 - 11:21 pm] |
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mood |
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 alone |
] |
I feel so helpless.
I want to get out of my skin.
Can I dance this away?
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| Heart. |
[
May 13, 2007 - 10:17 pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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sad |
] |
So Tom and I broke up. Yes, it was incredibly painful, but from doing some thinking as well as talking with him, I know that it's for the better. We'd been fighting a lot and we just weren't happy. Still, it's hard and I really appreciate all of you who have been there for me as well as those of you who offered a helping hand.
I don't know who I'm going to prom with.
And now my reward for working hard at school this year, which was bringing tom to maine, is ruined.
I feel so alone.
No one calls me to put me to bed anymore.
Nobody Kisses me.
No one tells me they love me.
When does it stop hurting?
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[
Mar 27, 2007 - 10:51 pm] |
Christianity is sometimes fucked up because too many sunday school teachers forgot that the original text of the bible wasn't written in english, and therefore a bunch of middleaged women and virgin priests took everything literally and screwed the entire faith over.
I wish christianity were a little more accepting. I hope that on judgement day Jesus can inform the evangelicals that he actually wanted them to do unselfish good, not force people to convert by dangling food in front of starving families on yearly mission trips.
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[
Mar 16, 2007 - 11:45 am] |
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mood |
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nostalgic |
] |
On March 19, 2006 I drove around the metroparks aimlessly, laughing with my best friend. We were lost. We were happy. And nervous. And scared. Mostly happy, though.
A year seems like such a long time.
But it went by so fast.
And we had to hold on tight, or else we would have fallen off.
On March 19, 2007 I will drive around the metroparks aimlessly, remembering with my best friend. Laughing with him too.
And I'm not ashamed anymore of how much I need him.
Because I think now that when you love someone, they become a part of you.
And it's hard to be in two peices.
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thinkclara's journal
bleh